March 22, 2006: Wireless Manners

Dear Social Grace,

I’m a struggling writer who has been paying over $50 per month for about 5 years for my DSL service. In order to minimize expenses, I’m considering getting rid of my landline and using only my cell phone (which would mean that I would also have to give up DSL).

My neighbors have recently gotten WiFi [a wireless network] and I want to ask them if they will let me use their WiFi signal to access the Internet.

Our relationship is friendly but not particularly close -- we’re the kind of neighbors that stop to chat, borrow an egg from each other, and drop off some cookies occasionally. Should I offer to pay part of their bill in order to have access to their WiFi? What is the proper etiquette in this situation?

Thanks for your advice,
Vida

Dear Vida,

To start, I’ll note that you began our conversation today with the appropriate question -- and I’ll answer the question you didn’t ask (but that often arises when the subject turns to the etiquette of WiFi): Is it rude to access a neighbor’s open wireless network without his or her express consent?

Yes, it usually is. Notify or ask the owners of a private network -- if possible -- before taking advantage of it, in case they are unaware that they haven’t locked it. (Also, some Internet providers prohibit this kind of sharing.)

With that consideration out of the way, your question is actually a very basic one: How do I ask a neighbor for a favor?

It seems that you’ve already established a friendly neighbor-to-neighbor relationship, with your egg-trading and cookie-exchanging. But I feel -- as you seem to -- that sharing WiFi will bring a slightly deeper relationship; I’d liken this to a carpooling arrangement or a shared childcare provider. Inquiring about the idea of sharing isn’t rude, but you do want to make sure your neighbors feel that they can say no if they want to (with no hard feelings on your part).

One way to go about this is to encourage an invitation from them. (But beware: A little of this hinting goes a long, long way.) For instance, you might mention to them that you’ve noticed their network (from your apartment), are thinking of subscribing to a similar service, and are curious about their satisfaction with their provider. Alternatively, you might approach them and suggest that you initiate a WiFi network that you would share (and share the cost of) with them.

You wouldn’t be out of line if you wanted to be more direct; just give them an honorable "out": For instance, you might ask whether they wanted to share their service, noting that some Internet service providers prohibit such sharing and encouraging them to "check out the fine print and the available bandwidth" and get back to you. (This allows them to lay blame somewhere if they decide they want to say no.)

Finally, I’d say that, no matter how the idea of sharing is approached, you should certainly offer to split the cost.

I hope this is helpful.

Best regards,
Charles